Did you say yes to another party without really wanting to go? You know yourself and will go, even if the evening doesn’t bring you anything value? Maybe you don’t even like most of the people there?
We all know that. To say “yes” to something rashly and regret it a short time later. How can we prevent this more effectively and thus lead a more relaxed and happier life?
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. – Warren Buffett
The changes with say “no” polite and honest
It’s about taking care of your own needs. If you don’t care about something, for example, this new series, then you won’t waste your time with it. Also money and/or energy. These are three very important values. You won’t waste two hours watching the new episode, won’t search for other information about the actors and won’t spend money on merchandise.
When deciding to that, you will use that time, money and energy for other things you do care about. Inside you is a house full of these three things. You spend it on things you like and thinks you definitely don’t like. The life is average. Not that happy, but also not sad. To get to a happier level, the bad things have to get away and make room for the joyful things.
The “not sorry” method
One way to do this is to use the “Not sorry” method. First: decide what you don’t care about and then in the second step just don’t care about them. Sounds simple, but sometimes it’s not that easy. First, we have to take a look at the bad feeling part of the others. As we learned in the “how to win friends and influence people” book: We need to be able to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. We just can’t take care of anything right away, we have to do it with method.
If we cancel a party right before it starts and apologizes, it’s not very nice. Then we have to go if we’ve already accepted. We have to don’t care with honesty and politeness. Result: you do not have to feel guilty.
Quick example: you want to watch the newest episode on Monday because if you do not the spoilers online will hit you. Now friends have invited you this Monday evening. But you only have time and energy for one of these two things. You have to decide which of the activities will give you more joy. Now you could apologize in detail or cancel with the words “no sorry have something else planned”. No one will be angry about that. You were honest, polite and don’t have to apologize for it.
You can apply this to everything which fills up your house. Decide which brings joy and bring you a step closer to your goal. Make a list of the tasks you could do, decide what annoys you and then delete it. Nonessential stuff you don’t care about. Stop investing your time, money and energy in those things. Sure, things like go to work and clean up your place is necessary, but a meeting with a guy you don’t even like is not.
If you’re having trouble shortening the list, imagine how things are gonna work out. Many, including me, don’t think through most events and just say yes. With the result of wasting your time. And wasting your energy in beforehand for planning. Money on the event itself then. It would be more efficient to pause for a moment before every promise, to imagine it and if it is nothing for one with a “no thanks, I can’t do it” cancel.
This is a method where you don’t spend time you don’t have, with people you don’t like, doing things you don’t want to do. – Sarah Knight
This post is based on “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” and Stop Wasting Energy.